MAN! Boy oh boy, have I not blogged in a while. So, how's life for everyone? Good, I hope. Well, I've been pretty busy lately, but then again-who hasn't? Lately things have been going by extremely fast. Can you believe that in just a few months it'll be summer vacation? That's crazy, huh. I swear, it doesn't feel that far into the semester. It's probably just me, though. I know you're probably thinking, "My God, what is this girl saying? When will she get to the damn point?". But enough of this chitter-chatter. I broke down today right before 6th and a little into 6th. I don't know exactly why, but I felt like I was losing control. Everything that has been piling up lately finally took it's toll. I finally cracked. Just all these things that I have to do...all these tasks--and just one me to do them. We have that vignette project probably worth a poop-load because all we've really done in class are vocab.craps or other teeny tiny dumb cracks like that, and I haven't much to write. I'll probably get a bad grade on it like I did the Animal Farm project. :( *gets sad* And then for Geometry, damn Henberger is always out and leaves us with "work" we need to do but do I do it? YEAH RIGHT! Even when he was around, I still wouldn't do anything. So, I'm about two weeks behind on homework AND classwork, and not to mention I'll probably lose my B (and I'm extremely lucky to have gotten that grade, by the way). Then, there's Spanish. Don't even get me started. That class can basically be described as hell. I have a really low C (72%, if you must know), and since we're learning new stuffs I'll fall behind again. I'm really scared about it because I'm probably going to take Spanish 2 all over again next year meaning I've done all that work for nothing and ironically, I'll be behind from when I was ahead. :( That last sentece didn't even make any sense. :( *gets even sadder* Then, there's Science. Because of basketball and because we're moving faster in class, I miss class sometimes and I failed our Chapter test today, that's probably what made me lose it and cry my eyes out in 6th. The fact that I could lose control of things when I thought I could handle them. I felt completely lost. I haven't felt that way in the longest time...probably since elementary school. I promised myself that I would never feel that way in high school, but I guess I just broke that promise like all the other ones I've ever made before. I was shaking so much and I was breaking into a cold sweat. I was shaking so bad during the test, I couldn't write. It felt like a dream--no, a nightmare. Losing grip of your life is probably the worst feeling in the world. So yes, I've failed. Not to mention I'm the worst player on the basketball team and I always bring my team down from their full potential. So, maybe all that "practice" for me is all for nothing. Not to mention it takes up time from studying to raise my grades in Geometry, Spanish, and Science. Thre's also Choir and...AUGH, that breaks down into categories itself that I don't want to get into right now. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Basketball--I guess I just don't have the skills. I'm not a basketball player. Well, we'll see where I go with it. I just wanted to apologize to my teammates--and to any poor soul who just read this boring, pointless entry. I just really needed to get my problems and issues down so that I know what I'm up against and to express all the feelings and emotions I've been trying to keep inside for the longest time. Thanks for reading, and I hope that you keep reading despite my damn entries. I just want you guys to know what's been going on for me, lately. The point of this depressing tale, kiddies? I'm a failure--and don't make the same mistakes I'm making--whatever they are.
P.S. Next time I'll post something much happier. I promise. See? That made me happier already. :) *not that sad anymore* Have a good day.
P.P.S. OMG, I almost forgot to tell you the highlight of my day today. After basketball practice, Raisa and I walked to her house. She was supposed to do soup supper for our Church Confirmaiton group community service shindig...but I don't think she went. On the way to her house, we were talking about memories, and MAN, I remembered all the way to when I used to go to her house every singe day and tiny details like that (do you remember Genevieve?) ALSO, I think Raisa and I were witnesses to a car theft. But you tell them about that one, Rice.When we got to her house, I watched her play Grand Theft Auto Vice City! It was so totally awesome! She even taught me how to play and I was about to start on a clean slate from the very beginning of the game, but right when I was about to start, my sister came to pick me up!!! (BOO!) Weird thing was, right before the door bell rang, I was thinking, "Dude, I bet my sister is gunna come right now and screw this up for me..." AND SHE DID!! GRR! So anyways, on the ride home, I couldn't get the game outta my head cuz i've been watching Raisa play it for like, about an hour and when my sister drove past this pedestrian, I was like, "RUN HIM OVER!!" and my sister loked at me funny, and I think the guy heard me, too cuz he looked at me all scared-like. Heehee, scaredy-guy. Then, we passed by this nice car, and I had the urge to make my sister pull over and steal it! OMG, from that point on, I tried to control myself, cuz I was freaking myself out. Okay, enough of this update. MAN, am I bipolar! First, I'm all depressionized, and now I'm all happy.Thanks Raisa, for making my day (and for the Dr. Pepper and the brownies and teaching me how to play and letting me use your telephono)!!! Okay, one more thing...
I LOVE YOU, MARK, AND I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE DRAMA THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING LATELY. I KNOW WE HAVEN'T HAD MUCH TIME FOR EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF SCHOOL OR BECAUSE OF OUR DIFFERENT OPINIONS AND VIEWS AND SUCH, BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I APPRECIATE ALL THE SUPPORT YOU'VE BEEN GIVING ME EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T BEEN SHOWING IT AT ALL. I WAS INSENSITIVE, MISUNDERSTANDING, AND CRUEL. I KNOW THIS AND I HOPE YOU'LL FORGIVE ME. I'M SORRY, AND NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. *thinks of that Whitney Houston song*
P.P.P.S. I think this entire post has made up for the time I haven't been blogging. Well, that's enough from me. I'm outta here.