Have you ever felt empty inside? Not just empty, but I mean, just, so alone? With no one on your side? Have you ever felt like you were the only person in the world to know a secret, and you'd be ready to blurt it out or burst at any second? Have you ever felt like you had the chance to do something, but time just passed right by and left you there? I feel like that a lot. Maybe it's cuz I miss my mom and Lolo (they went to the PI, in case ya didn't know), and cuz I'm totally losing control of all my classes and a bunch of other stuff. The thing that bothers me the most about it is that I feel nothing. I don't seem to be worried to catch up since I'm behind...I try not to think of things that upset me the most, but they seem to be the only things that occupy my mind. Why can't I ever let things go? To let the past be behind me? Why do I always have to second-guess myself? I mean, that's probably what's messing me up. The fact that I can never move on. No matter how much I want to, and I feel like I'm being torn apart. I hate it. I know I'm just rambling on and on, but I can't help it. Sometimes I feel like I should try to be happy all the time so that it will eventually become a habit, so I could never be sad anymore. But I know that won't happen--and still, I have this facade of being happy, and always trying to be funny. I don't do it intentionally, it just happens. I'm glad I can cheer up other people (at least I hope I do), but why can't I ever cheer myself up? Have you stopped your hectic life for just a moment and really paused to ask yourself: "Am I happy?" And if you do, how many times would you answer with a 'yes'? I'm probably not the only one feeling this way right now, but I just had to get it out before I lost it. Okay, well, I'll post something much more cheerful next time, promise. I've got loads to tell ya.